Comments for Jessica Bram's Blog

Comment on How we got in “Vows” by bestwishes

bestwishes — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 05:20:11 +0000

interesting, the richness of your quote in the article “I loved that honesty, that complete lack of holding up an image” and how different I feel about reading your blog post here. you’re honest too, no doubt.

Comment on Well, duh. by SilverSeason

SilverSeason — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 10:21:37 +0000

And maybe it’s the economy that is keeping them together. I’m always wary of these grand generalizations which are usually based on talking to a few couples who may or may not be representative of what is really going on. Plus, people give you “reasons” for what they are doing which they think you will find acceptable.

What always ticks me off is when divorce is described as “taking the easy way out.”

Comment on It’s never too late to be happily ever after divorced by Mandy

Mandy — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 17:44:54 +0000

I’m with you on this “gray divorce” term – it makes me sound way older than I feel and I’ve vowed that I’m never going to use that term.

Comment on New book review of Happily Ever After Divorce by autism custody battles

autism custody battles — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 14:01:27 +0000

Men who threaten to take away the kids are engaging in post separation violence. It is common for batterers to threaten to take children away from the battered woman by proving her to be an unfit mother. For this reason, some lawyers advise women not to tell courts or mediators about child abuse or domestic abuse because, by doing so, they risk losing custody to the alleged abuser!

Comment on I’m speaking in Denver this Friday by Michele

Michele — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 12:19:52 +0000

I saw you speak this past Friday in Denver. It was so inspiring to see so many women going through what I am going through. Then to see so many others like yourself who have made it through to the other side gracefully was wonderful to me. I read your whole book that very night. I laughed and cried. It’s good to know I am not alone. Thank you very much.

Comment on Letter to a reader by ellen Crimi-Trent

ellen Crimi-Trent — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 15:58:25 +0000

wow just found out about your book on Jennifer Paganelli’s blog, and well obviously it struck a nerve. I have been talking about this subject far too long with friends.. it makes it soo difficult when you have kids but I have come to the conclusion myself- that “I” matter and I should be able to enjoy my life and when your marriage is a constant battle of wills its exhausting to say the least.
I had a person right after I got married read my palm and say I would get remarried, I laughed at him and now almost 15 yrs later I am not laughing and recently had another do my cards and say the same. They both had said I picked an ill fitting partner for me and frankly they are correct..sadly and I knew it yrs ago but kept trucking along because everyone says how great he is.. he is but not for me!
I have my plan in place to do what I need and well.. sad for the kids but I have to live my life for me and not for them!

Comment on Contact Jessica by Cecilia

Cecilia — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:53:27 +0000

I don’t mind at all, Jessica.

By the way, congratulations on your remarriage!

I hope to meet you in person one of these days.

Cecilia

Comment on About Tipper and Al … or was it, John and Elizabeth? by Jessica Bram

Jessica Bram — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:45:53 +0000

Mandy – I don’t have a source, no – I haven’t done the demographics. But it seems to me a lot more women are unhappy in their marriages than men. Or maybe they just talk about it more.

Comment on Contact Jessica by Jessica Bram

Jessica Bram — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:27:29 +0000

Dear Cecilia – What a beautifully written post! I so appreciate your taking the time to write. Would you mind if I quote from it in an upcoming blog post, and cite your name? The subject of how divorce can be the BEST thing one can do for one’s children is an important one. Jessica

Comment on Contact Jessica by Cecilia

Cecilia — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:14:34 +0000

Dear Jessica,

It seems that I know you. What you said, your thoughts, and some of your experiences were replica of my life. I’ve been happily divorced for 5 years.

I tried to hold the marriage for years, painting the picture of devoted love and happiness. Inside I lived a loneliness that brought me to my knees as I begged for the energy to be the happy mom my kids expected. In the beginning of my decision process, this was the hardest question for me to answer: “How bad should I feel before I give up?” In the end I realized that this was the real question I needed to answer, “How emotionally dead can I become and still interact effectively with the world and my children?” The energy I was putting into trying to hold on to the marriage took everything; I had lost the person I wanted to be in this pile of pain.

These questions helped me decide to go through my divorce: Am I able to mother my children, care for them and love them the way I want to within the marriage? What are my children learning about love, marriage and relationship when they watch me? How would I feel if my children grew up and had the same marriage that I had? What am I most afraid of?

One day when I was feeling more lost than usual I wrote a description of the person I remembered myself to be at twenty-one. I cried the rest of the day. My husband hadn’t taken that person from me; I gave it to him one piece at a time. When I read the description I understood that I had to claim those pieces of myself and either move forward with the divorce or completely accept the condition of my marriage. I also knew from experience that the only person I had any control over was myself.

I am very happy now, still single, working hard, but oh, so worth it.

Thank you for your book, for the affirmation.

Regards,

Cecilia