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Love as an act of courage

February 6, 2010

Bob is moving in next week and I can’t say I haven’t had a moment or two of anxiety. We’ve been together long enough now, to know that we’re right for each other.  But there’s a small worry, too. 

I’ve been living the single life for fifteen years now.  I have come to love my independence.  It’s not so bad, really.

I worry about the fact that I have very little personal knowledge of what a good marriage feels like.  My own marriage was troubled from the start, and miserable to get out of.  My parents’ marriage, which ended in bitter divorce when I was six, is hardly the example to look back on.

Taking the plunge again will take courage. I’ll admit it.

Kim and her husband Art, a few months before his death.

While pondering this last night, I happened upon a blog called Healing Art written by the daughter of a former neighbor of mine, Kim T. Hamer.  In her blog Kim, a young California mother of three, shares the heart-wrenching story of the illness and eventual death of her husband Art last April after a long battle with cancer. Riveted, I spent close to two hours following the terrible journey she shares in her posts. 

Expressing herself with remarkable candor and sensitivity – how could she ever have written so beautifully while going through such a hellish time? – Kim describes a young family’s life that continues to be fraught with sometimes unbearable pain for and her three young children, who still actively grieve their loss.

Going through Kim’s journey with her in those two hours last night was transformative. How she supported him through his tragic illness, how ripped apart she was by his death, and how she now struggles to provide healing for her children even as she herself continues to grieve – all of those are testimony that, yes, love is indeed an act of courage.

But what I learned most of all, through Kim’s intimately told story, was how truly deep and profound love can be. It is a gift I will never take lightly. And certainly worth every drop of pain, every ounce of courage, and even, yes, the possibility of loss.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 7, 2010 12:33 am

    Jessica,

    What a beautiful entry about love, loss, fear, and taking scary steps towards something new. Thank you for sharing your deep soulful thoughts. They touched me.

    Sandy

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